WILD ENCOUNTERS

It’s the seventh week of quarantine, or maybe the fortieth. I’ve lost count. While time seems to matter less right now, I have noticed that each week I have settled into this cocoon of space and time a little more. And each week holds its own unique energy.

For whatever reason, this week has me confronting hard things within myself, such as archaic trauma, internalized misogyny, and broken pieces of self-doubt hidden in shadows. As difficult as it has been to be present with such things, they bump up against the resilience inside of me. In that place, my soul recognizes them as gifts, necessities for my growth.

There are many days I have longed to take myself to the woods to hike and explore freely, and I’m almost ashamed to say I never do. The reason is fear. I have deep resistance to being in places where I am physically vulnerable. This is not the fault of the forest. It’s connected with trauma. However, from a place of healing and wholeness, I recognize that the fear has also built boundaries inside of me that I haven’t dared trespass. Being present to difficult things has meant sitting with my tendency to hold myself back.

It was from this place that I decided to go hiking alone today. I also decided it would be prudent to take the dog along and he was happy to oblige. On the fifteen-minute drive across a state border, I thought about many things:

whether that new bump on my skin is cancerous like the last bump in that area

the strange nightmares I have been having regularly

childhood trauma healing

what it means for a woman to trespass into places without “permission”

the possibility that I could be endangered by another human on this hike

the possibility of finding morels

The dog was asleep when we pulled into the parking lot next to the river, but he quickly came to life and his energy was purposeful, as if he knew he had a special role to play. We found a trail head and started up a steep hillside, him in the lead, finding the path and moving me forward. I was so grateful for his presence, which allowed me to tune into boulders surrounding me and the fallen copper pine needles that lined the path, all with a soundtrack of running water. I didn’t know where the path led, but I knew the river would guide us back one way or another.

We walked on trails that meandered to and from the water over and over again. There was no one in sight, which I found eerily calming. Finally, we ended up on some rocks by the edge of the river. I sat and took in the scenery and sound as the dog happily sank his lower half in the water.

A few minutes passed and I suddenly caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I felt a tinge of fear as I realized it was a human moving toward me. I was aware that I had a cold river behind me, which meant an encounter was inevitable. Yet a split-second later, I laid eyes on her and my heart jumped with joy. This was no ordinary joy. It surpassed the relief of realizing she was another woman. This was a joy that seemed to recognize her.

No doubt she was a delight to the eyes - a strong and bright-eyed woman many years my elder, with a surrong sitting around her head. She walked with hiking sticks and she was dressed in a bathing suit exactly like one I had possessed. We greeted each other with smiles. The dog eagerly greeted her as well. She had a lovely smile and she told me her name was Rose in an Irish accent.

What happened next was astounding to me. In the course of ten minutes, here’s what unfolded:

~Rose asked me about my dreams.

~She directed me to see my soul in my dreams.

~She told me she is a dream interpreter.

~She showed me the paintings she had just painted next to the river.

~She shared some of her dreams with me.

~We realized our dreams had similar themes.

~We talked about childhood trauma.

~She shared her desire for God and wisdom and her meditation when walking alone in the woods.

~She sang beautiful chants for me.

~I totally forgot about COVID-19.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I then told Rose I was convinced we might be soul sisters and basically asked her to be my friend.

I told her it was a gift to meet her and possibly part of the reason I had come.

We exchanged contact information and she proceeded to wade into the cold river. She said she thought it was healing. I realized I hadn’t even touched the water.

The dog and I returned to the path and began retracing our steps. My heart was full. The next time we came to the river, I dipped my hand in and brought it to my cheeks and forehead. I wanted to be healed. I was being healed.

There is mystery around this encounter, but what I know is this: the world I want to live in and create looks and feels like my encounter with Rose. I want to trespass the boundaries within myself and live beyond fear. I want to bypass the need for small talk and share dreams, sing chants, and proffer art. I want to be surprised and filled with wonder and possibility. I want the waters to heal us. I want us to be directed to our souls. I want us to feel a connection that seems otherworldly, because, in part, it is.

I feel like I’m meeting the possibility of this season - the journey inward toward the unhealed parts and being present enough to move beyond the fear of them into wild spaces where our souls are recognized in new ways. I feel like something that could have been missed wasn’t. I feel alive with possibility, knowing that there is so much more than we have yet imagined.